Some children are easy going, some are not. Some children are parent-pleasers and therefore are relatively easy to raise and home school. Others are not.
When a child is being difficult, there are likely reasons, and discovering the reason(s) can make such a difference!
Sometimes it is simply that the child born after a parent-pleasing sibling acts in a “naughty” way to get attention, since he can’t “out-parent-please” his sibling, who is getting attention in a positive way. Other times it might be because the child feels overwhelmed, disturbed, or worried about something.
Recently my husband and I were asked for advice about what to do regarding a toddler that was screaming a lot. His parents had figured out that he was screaming to get attention – he often screamed when his parents were conversing with each other; they weren’t paying attention to him at the moment and he wanted their attention.
Our advice was simple: don’t pay attention to him when he screams. This child was “cured” fairly instantly, and my husband and I came out looking really wise, when it was the parents themselves who had done the work of figuring out why the child was screaming.
When one of our sons was five years old, he went through a season of being constantly naughty. He was disciplined throughout the day, and I asked my husband, “Please, please, try to find something, anything, to praise him for,” since this son was constantly being reprimanded. Then one day, when he “got” that “c-a-t” was “cat” and that “m-a-t” was “mat” and that “h-a-t” was “hat”, his behavior completely changed!
What I saw, was that this child all of a sudden felt good about himself. He had been feeling bad about himself, obviously, but his catching on to the beginning of reading, made him feel better about himself and his behavior improved.
So when a child is being difficult, give it some thought: is it his way of getting attention? Then give him as little attention as possible for the bad behavior (while still dealing with it) and give him a lot of positive attention when he is not misbehaving. Is this child anxious about something? Does he feel bad about himself? If the cause is not obvious to you, pray, asking God to reveal what is behind the behavior, and what you can do about it.
Everyone wants love, affirmation, attention. Seeking what is behind the misbehavior of a difficult child, and then dealing with it can bring positive change in that child and in your relationship.
It might be a fairly quick solution, or it might take a very long time of your being consistent before you see change. It is worth it.
Do not grow weary of doing good, for in due season you will reap if you do not give up – Galatians 6:9
